Wednesday, August 27, 2008

& she's off......

Did I mention I have a roommate? I've known Allison forever (at least it feels like forever). We met for the first time in fifth grade. It was my very first day at a new school and I happened to be sitting in the desk directly behind Alli. She turned around and very matter-of-fact asked me if I wanted one of the cookies she had made the night before. She assured me that although she made them without the flour they called for they tasted just fine. I really don't recall if I accepted or politely declined- all I really remember was her orange shoe laces and black tennis shoes.

Nearly two decades later I find myself feeling as excited and anxious as she is for her 3 week vacation in France & Italy. Our comfortably compact apartment has been a buzz preparing for her trip.
We went over all the bills that would come in while she is out (yes.... Alli handles our finances). She tried on a variety of "travel outfits" and weighed the pros & cons of taking 3oz or less of hair product. I worked earnestly trying to convince her of the value in the perfect wrap cardigan and light weight summer scarf (push came to shove and she found the ideal wrap cardi' at Banana and is borrowing one of my summer scarves).

I dropped her off at the airport yesterday. Unlike the rest of us that feel a little bit stressed and panicked before traveling overseas Alli was cool as a cucumber.
She "practiced packing" the weekend before- to ensure everything fit perfectly in her carry on. She had coordinated nearly every outfit given any travel situation. She had printed, highlighted and alphabetized each nights lodging. She even did a little Christmas shopping the week before leaving (not kidding).

Let it be said that Emma (my indoor bob cat) and I will miss her. We are also terribly excited to hear about her adventures. Especially since you are guaranteed a variety of unexpected experiences when traveling in a different country - even after practice packing, highlighting routes, alphabetizing and wearing the perfect summer scarf.
Speaking of unexpected travel adventures..... I'm reminded of the day I lost my wallet at the Cologne Germany train station. I was using the pay phone to call my bank and report the missing credit card when my train left the station- with all my luggage and friends aboard. After that experience I can no only spell but pantomime "stranded". The following 12 hours were likely the longest and scariest of my entire life (let the record show this was before cell phones).

Wishing Alli the best of travels and experiences. Au Revoir.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008


Last week's blog entry on "minus points" was compiled after opening a few bottles of wine & numerous "recap" conversations with girlfriend. The sort of conversation that starts off with "Well.... how did it go? Were there sparkles?" and your response is "You are never going to believe this......".
Literally EVERY plus/minus point from last week's blog was based on an actual & real situation. (Yes- someone invited me out to drinks and "perkoopsied" their pants.) After so many unbelievable & hilarious boy encounters Brooke had NO CHOICE but to compile a point system. How else is a girl supposed to weed through the sea of men? Thanks Brookie.

Fortunately most of the plus/minus points stories happened when I was young (4 years ago) and dated casually. Now that I'm mature and wise I only date "responsibly" so I'm really hoping things will start looking up for me. Right?

Enough about last week's blog. I know you are chomping at the bit to see what savories I have in store this week. To be honest- I'm going to recycle some of Brookie's other editorial treasures.

About the same time we compiled the plus/minus points we also conceptualized a few new Barbie doll ideas for Mattel. We sent our prototype Barbie's off to Mattel- but for whatever reason they felt their demographic wouldn't grasp onto these doll. (Those bitches.)

Out In Fremont Barbie:

This Barbie "Owns It" and comes out to play exclusively on Friday nights around 10. She is available with sexy jeans, a little cami, and a fabulous new accessory from Mapel. Her wardrobe would be considered "Casual Glam".

Accessories available include a glass of red wine in a large goblet, an ipod mini loaded with an array of "getting fabulous" songs, a few cute boys younger than her, and a jazzy silver sports car w/ 19" rims. She can peel off at any given time, don't bother following, you can't catch up as she speeds away in 4" heels to the next hot spot. Out In Fremont Barbie is often found making Crusty Face Barbies jealous and angry, especially because Crusty Face Barbie's sales are WAY down. Out in Fremont Barbie can be viewed (not purchased) at any Fremont Boutique. Ken can be found at Dick's getting burgers and fries w/ the other Kens.

Brooke gets full credit for the Fremont Barbie concept. The below Seattle & Bellevue Barbies are from some random mass forwarded email I got (the kind that threatens to kill your first born if you don't forward to 15 people in 5 minutes).

Seattle Barbie:
This modern day homemaker Barbie is available with a Mercedes 4WD SUV, a Prada handbag and matching Nike Yoga ensemble. She has a masters degree and double-majored, but has the luxury of being a stay-at-home mom with Ken's generous salary. Comes with Percocet prescription and Botox. Starbucks mug and iPod cell phone device sold separately. Husband Ken is into fishing, golfing, baseball and is often "working late." Available at all Seattle-area Starbucks retailers.

Bellevue Barbie:
This princess Barbie is only sold at Nordstrom. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, your choice of a BMW convertible or Hummer H2 and a long-haired foreign lapdog named "Honey." Also available is her cookie-cutter development dream house. Available with or without tummy tuck, face lift, and breast augmentation. Workaholic, cheating husband, Ken, comes with a Porsche.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Minus Points

by Brooke Prince (with a little lobster help)

Over the last few years, with my best (Lobster) friends Staci and Cleary - we have continually been developing a list, a tool if you will. We discuss and add to it as we see fit. Sadly enough, most of the "minus point" items on this list are from actual experiences. Live and learn though, right? At first glance one might think this is for the ladies, but really - dudes pay attention here, this one is for you. Read, absorb and be sure to minimize the minus points as much as possible.

Ladies - take the list, customize, add to it and I guarantee the formula for the "Perfect Man" will work - or at least help you avoid the uber creepies out there. Each guy starts with 100 points.

The Perfect Man (or at least as close as one can get):
-Wears a baseball hat backwards - minus 10 points
-Wears a baseball hat backwards while at the gym - minus 15 points
-Does not call when he says he will - minus 15 points (each time)
-Asks for a discount from your work before the first date has happened - minus 20 points-Has ex-girlfriend living with him - minus 20 points
-Wears a sweater vest - minus 10 points
-Wears a sweater vest, but somehow pulls it off - plus 10 points

-Is actually prettier than you (good for him, but) - minus 15 points
-Suggests fun dates like tango dancing, kayaking, space needle, picnic at the beach (you get the idea) - plus 15 points
-Would go to an art museum and actually enjoy it (or at least do a great job at
pretending to) - plus 10 points
-Sports a mock turtleneck - minus 15 points-Sports a "husky" purple mock turtleneck w/ a team emblem embroidered on the
neck - minus 20 points
-Must Love Dogs - plus 15 points

-Dances well and isn't "weird" about being on the dance floor - plus 8 points
-Likes cats (even if they are mean cats who attack at random) -
(this one's for you Stac') - plus 20 points
-Uses the line "How YOU doin'", but not in a funny joking way,
actually uses that line as a form of communication - minus 10 points
-Your girlfriends give him the "stamp of approval" (I've decided to get an actual stamp
made to keep in my purse for these times) - plus 25 points
-Dresses well without trying too hard - plus 15 points
-Has "bacne" (disclaimer, Staci is not a good judge on what is actually
considered "bacne") - minus 8 points-Has a car (to get full points he also has to have a valid license) - plus 10 points
-Doesn't wear makeup of any kind, even if to cover a blemish
(we can still see it) - plus 15 points
-Is not constantly on his cell phone, blackberry, etc - plus 10 points
-Carries on a decent conversation (not just talking about himself) - plus 10 points

-Manscapes when and where necessary - plus 10, let's make that plus 20 points
-Walks around in ONLY socks and a t-shirt (you know who you are) - minus 20 points
-Invites you & his old, nasty, drunk friend to drinks. Half way through drinks he stands up & leaves cause he "perkoopsied" his pants (leaving you with old/nasty/drunk) - minus 20 points
-Can cook a decent meal - plus 15 points
-When hitting the tanning bed, or applying self tanner, know when to say when - plus 10 points-Has more than just a bar of Lever 2000 in his shower - plus 10 points
-Announces when he is "peeing" in the same water that you are standing in and thinks it's
totally hilarious - minus 20 points
-Hits on you & when you turn him down, he heads back to his wife at the table - minus 15 points-In general is a pretty handy dude around the house (changes light bulbs, mows the lawn,
rebuilds the entire top floor from scratch) - plus 20 points

-Randomly licks your face while you are just trying to dance on stage with your girlfriends at Garfinkle's in Whistler (very specific, I know) - minus 15 points
-Being a gross old dude - minus 15 points-Being a gross old dude that wears Pleather pants and decides to force himself into a conversation with you and girlfriends - minus 20 points
-Tells you to Google him (does he not realize we are going to do this anyway?
He needn't ask us to) - minus 10 points-You Google him (obviously) and find nothing interesting - minus 10 point

Actually experiencing all of these
"minus/plus point" moments- Priceless

Monday, August 4, 2008

Enhanced Vocabulary

In college I lived in a dorm hall called "Callahan", due to time restraints we shorted the name to "Calli".
(You know how over committed and busy your schedule can get in college? What with balancing classes, parties, avoiding old boyfriends, drive bye's, house dances, looking for new boyfriends, compiling "the"abercrombie party outfit - you can imagine how hectic things were.)
So quite affectionately we used to quote the below line when referring to our dorm.
"Going - Going - Back - Back - To Calli - Calli."
I know- it's not very funny, but at the time we thought it was pure genius. Well- last week it was time for me to go back to Calli (as in the state just south of Washington- not my old dorm).
I could say it was a work related trip- yea, let's say that! I was going to LA to do some trend spotting- peeping out the newest styles. While "working" I managed to catch up with some of my best'est friends from college.
Upon reflection of my short LA trip I realized I had unknowingly enhanced my vocabulary. I saturated a few LA terms while hanging with my Calli friends. My two faves are below:
-B.O.C. : Balling out of control. As used in a sentence: "Those sunglasses are totally BOC."
- Stylie : Stylish. As used in a sentence: "You best be wearing your super stylie shoes- we are going to Hollywood".
Super stylie shoes were definitely necessary Saturday nigh. We checked out Green Door in Hollywood - great spot with a chic French aesthetic.
Star sightings include, but are not limited to:
-Josh Dumamel
-Tyra Stanks (that is exactly how I meant to spell her last name)
-Scarlett Johansson
-Staci Stevens (that gal from Mapel)
It was the perfect Calli weekend. I came back with a tan, hangover and enhanced vocabulary.