Thursday, August 4, 2011

Remembered..... Minus Points

Many of you know already- but I got hitched 2 weeks ago. As you can imagine a flood of memories came to the surface during that weekend. The time had come for me to hand in my highest heels and smallest clutch for a comfortable pair of ballet flats and accommodating size handbag.

One of my sweet lobster friends reminded me of how much fun, young and maybe even a little dumb we once were when she toasted at our wedding. I Loved it. Loved the memories, the laughs and the dreads.

Later that week I found myself coming back to her original list of Minus Points (from 3 years ago)!!!! All of these bullet points (either minus or plus points) actually, honestly, embarrassingly happened to us. Thanks Brookie for being So Fabulous and remembering the best of times!!!

by Brooke Prince (with a little lobster help)

Over the last few years, with my best (Lobster) friends Staci and Cleary - we have continually been developing a list, a tool if you will. We discuss and add to it as we see fit. Sadly enough, most of the "minus point" items on this list are from actual experiences. Live and learn though, right? At first glance one might think this is for the ladies, but really - dudes pay attention here, this one is for you. Read, absorb and be sure to minimize the minus points as much as possible.
Ladies - take the list, customize, add to it and I guarantee the formula for the "Perfect Man" will work - or at least help you avoid the uber creepies out there. Each guy starts with 100 points.
The Perfect Man (or at least as close as one can get):

-Wears a baseball hat backwards - minus 10 points
-Wears a baseball hat backwards while at the gym - minus 15 points
-Does not call when he says he will - minus 15 points (each time)
-Asks for a discount from your work before the first date has happened - minus 20 points-Has ex-girlfriend living with him - minus 20 points
-Wears a sweater vest - minus 10 points
-Wears a sweater vest, but somehow pulls it off - plus 10 points

-Is actually prettier than you (good for him, but) - minus 15 points
-Suggests fun dates like tango dancing, kayaking, space needle, picnic at the beach (you get the idea) - plus 15 points
-Would go to an art museum and actually enjoy it (or at least do a great job at pretending to) - plus 10 points
-Sports a mock turtleneck - minus 15 points
-Sports a "husky" purple mock turtleneck w/ a team emblem embroidered on the neck - minus 20 points
-Must Love Dogs - plus 15 points

-Dances well and isn't "weird" about being on the dance floor - plus 8 points
-Likes cats (even if they are mean cats who attack at random) -(this one's for you Stac') - plus 20 points
-Uses the line "How YOU doin'", but not in a funny joking way, actually uses that line as a form of communication - minus 10 points
-Your girlfriends give him the "stamp of approval" (I've decided to get an actual stamp made to keep in my purse for these times) - plus 25 points
-Dresses well without trying too hard - plus 15 points
-Has "bacne" (disclaimer, Staci is not a good judge on what is actually considered "bacne") - minus 8 points-Has a car (to get full points he also has to have a valid license) - plus 10 points
-Doesn't wear makeup of any kind, even if to cover a blemish (we can still see it) - plus 15 points
-Is not constantly on his cell phone, blackberry, etc - plus 10 points
-Carries on a decent conversation (not just talking about himself) - plus 10 points

-Manscapes when and where necessary - plus 10 points. no, let's make that plus 20 points
-Walks around in ONLY socks and a t-shirt (you know who you are) - minus 20 points
-Invites you & his old, nasty, drunk friend to drinks. Half way through drinks he stands up & leaves cause he "perkoopsied" his pants (leaving you with old/nasty/drunk) - minus 20 points
-Can cook a decent meal - plus 15 points
-When hitting the tanning bed, or applying self tanner, know when to say when - plus 10 points
-Has more than just a bar of Lever 2000 in his shower - plus 10 points
-Announces when he is "peeing" in the same water that you are standing in and thinks it's totally
hilarious - minus 20 points
-Hits on you & when you turn him down, he heads back to his wife at the table - minus 15 points
-In general is a pretty handy dude around the house (changes light bulbs, mows the lawn,
rebuilds the entire top floor from scratch) - plus 20 points

-Randomly licks your face while you are just trying to dance on stage with your girlfriends at Garfinkle's in Whistler (very specific, I know) - minus 15 points
-Being a gross old dude - minus 15 points-Being a gross old dude that wears Pleather pants and decides to force himself into a conversation with you and girlfriends - minus 20 points
-Tells you to Google him (does he not realize we are going to do this anyway?
He needn't ask us to) - minus 10 points
-You Google him (obviously) and find nothing interesting - minus 10 point

Actually experiencing all of these "minus/plus point" moments- Priceless

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